THE WEDDING TEST

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> I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend
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> and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
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> decided to get married. There was only one
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> little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful
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> younger sister.
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> My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
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> tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She
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> would regularly bend down when she was near
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> me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to
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> be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was
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> near anyone else.
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> One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to
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> c
> ome over to check the wedding invitations. She was
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> alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
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> had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't
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> overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once
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> before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
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> Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
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> She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if
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> you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
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> I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go
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> up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned
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> and made a beeline straight to the front door. I
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> opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
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> Lord... and behold, my entire future family was standing
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> outside, all clapping!
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> With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and
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> said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our
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> little test. We couldn't ask for a better
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> man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
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> And the moral of this story is:
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> Always keep your c*ndoms in your car.

How To Fix The Economy

Dear Mr. Darling,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing Britain's economy. Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan :

There are about 20 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them £1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new British CAR. Twenty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

4) They must send their kids to school / college /university - Crime rate fixed

5) Buy £50 of alcohol / tobacco a week there's your money back in duty / tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back there falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.

If you think this would work, please send this to everyone you know