Todays Lesson

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you. But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. "

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She responded, "The bastard used coins!"

Management Lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

Mario a little bit worse for wear

Mario off his head, in the world of grand theft auto. Pure Genius

Favorite Food Joke

An elderly man lay dying on his bed. While suffering the agonies ofimpending death, he suddenly smelt the aroma of his favourite cheesesconeswafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and,with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, hecrawleddownstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into thekitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already inheaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table,weredozens of his favourite scones.
Was it heaven?
Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife of sixtyyears,seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great effort, he threw himself towards the table, landingonhis knees in a rumpled posture.
His parched lips parted.
He could almost taste the cheese scone before it was in his mouth,seeminglybringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to the nearest scone attheedge of the table, when his hand was suddenly smacked with a spatula byhiswife...
F**k off" She said, "They're for the funeral"

Now I Believe In Karma - What A Sunday Night

This is about one of those weird moments that happens very rarely but here it goes......

I was up in London for the weekend to go to a mates party, get trashed then come back to Brighton. My train to Brighton was from London Victoria so to travel from North London I had to purchase a one day travelcard for the tube

Once I had arrived at London Victoria I had no use for the day travelcard I had previously purchased, so I offered it to a bypasser as a kind gesture ....Karma Begins

Whilst walking towards the platform I was getting my train from, I bumped into a good friend from University very randomly, so we got on the train I had a can of one of his cheap beers and talked as you do about football, whats been going on in each of our lives lately.

It was at this point we kept getting repeatedly interrupted by a New Zealand fella who introduced himself as Santana....to cut long story short

We arrived at Brighton ready to go home when the guy Santana was insistence we go for a beer with him, being students and being broke I cudnt be asked, I just wanted to get home and chill out. The dude was prepared to buy us a beer to hangout with him as he was a tourist.. so what the hell we went along with it and went to the nearest pub.

and 5 pints later we were very merry...the new recruit was funding this drinkup how many times does this happen, it was definately Karma. I gave someone my still in use tube ticket, I received 5 free pints in a pub that evening from a stranger i met on the train.

Ok I have been watching way too much my name is earl

Oh yes another site to have a browse at - http://www.i-am-bored.com

this blogs purpose is to help kill those 5 minutes of boredom whilst lounging around in your boxers at 3 in the afternoon . Well after visiting the site below you may never come back here...enjoy!

I am Bored

Im in a humourous mood so laugh at these........

Found these whilst browsing the net.

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Three men are sitting at a bar and talking about the last birthday present that they got for their wives. The first one says, "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in 6 seconds!" The other two ask him what he got her. "I got her a Porsche. And she's never been happier in her life." The next guy says, "I know what you mean. I bought MY wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! -and she's on cloud nine!" "That could only be a Ferrari," the other two say. "And what did you give your wife for her birthday?," they ask the third. "Now, I don't want to brag, but I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 200 in 2 seconds." "No way," say the other two, "That's way faster than the Ferrari and the Ferrari's the fastest thing there is!" "Nope." the other man says, I got my wife something faster. but the funny thing is that she's really not all that happy about the fact that it goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds." "Wow." one of the men said, "That's hard to believe. What did you bought her? I bought her a SCALE (weighing machine........................................................

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. She had to work that day, so she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check ." "Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!" When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he's ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!" Some men just don't listen!

Public Service Announcement

Tesco Condoms

A man was in a long line at his local Tesco store.As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register.She asked, 'What size condoms?'The customer replied that he didn't know.She asked him to drop his trousers.He did.

She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over The intercom, 'One box of large condoms, Till 5'The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most Of us was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him.She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know.She asked him to drop his trousers.He did.

She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, 'One box of medium-sized condoms, Till 5.'A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance.

When he got to the till he told the checker he needed some condoms.She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his trousers and he did.She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up The Intercom and said...
'Mop and bucket, Till 5'

Face Morpher - It Really Works

http://morph.cs.st-andrews.ac.uk/Transformer/

This site has given me and my friends a lot of laughter when just dossing about on the net.

Created by the guys at St.Andrews University, you upload an image of yourself, select your age rage, gender, and face type.

Once submitted you can select between a variety of options, such as what you would look like as a golden oldie, or even a chimp.

Now all you have to do is go through all those tagged pictures on facebook, transform images of your friends and tag them back on facebook

Arent you glad we never got Harry Redknapp

I think we would of been abysmal with this hothead.



Harry Redknapps Portsmouth are only a decent team because of their money.......Ok everyteam in the premiership has wad loads of cash these days, but dont trust anyone that leaves for your rivals then comes back, then sells your top striker for a bargain to Man City. Lets see if Defoe can rekindle his form at portsmouth so Harry can prove me wrong